I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this before, but I need to get this out. I was in a relationship with a man who was very handsome and charming, but he turned out to be a nightmare and I had to get out. Now I am back in the Midwest and trying to find my path in life.
I feel a lot of anxiety right now; I did meet someone else, but I dismissed him because he didn’t seem all that interested. I want to get out and meet people, make friends, be normal, but I can’t bring myself to go out, to leave my house.
So I meet people online, but I can’t bring myself to meet them in person. I want to get back out there, but I can’t change or compromise my position and my views on sexual relations; it’s hard to get anyone to understand that it isn’t the sex that is the problem. I just can’t bear to lie down with a man knowing that he isn’t in love with me and doesn’t love me and/or there is no future. It’s the one thing that stops me from getting too close to anyone.
What I am wondering right now is should I change my position so I can meet someone? Am I really that out of touch with the standards of today? I know I’m not the kind of person to get physical just for the hell of it, and I don’t want to be a one-night stand, so what do I do? All I do know is if I keep on doing what I’m doing, I’m going to keep on getting what I’ve gotten, so a change has to be made somewhere. I just don’t know where or what needs to change. Should I be like everyone else? Or should I stick to my guns?
I’m asking for help here because I keep getting the same thing from different men. So many of them won’t give me a pass because their greatest fear is ending up in a sexless relationship/marriage, even though that wouldn’t be the case. I just don’t want to end up being used. I want to be loved and I don’t think these men understand or realize that sex and love aren’t the same thing because you can have one without the other and just because he’s having sex with me doesn’t mean he loves me or wants a future with me and I cannot settle for anything less than what I want. Is that being selfish on my part?